0[during the big race, Thorndyke knocks Herbie off the road and down a hill]
Jim Douglas: Now wait a minute, theres something cockeyed about this. How did that little car get here?
Carole: Mr. Douglas, if there is anything wrong with the car, would you be good enough to tell me what it is?
Mr. Thorndyke: If youll examine paragraph twelve…
Van Hippy: Huh, a couple of weirdos, Guenivere.
Jim Douglas: Well, theres nothing essentially wrong with the car. Its just that it wants to go one way, and Id like to go the other.
Havershaw: Thats what I always say, sir.
Live and Swingin: The Ultimate Rat Pack Collection – 2003
2Sammy Davis Jr.: [Frank Sinatra] IS responsible for this evening.
[Thorndyke kicks not-yet-named Herbie the little white car in his shop]
Mr. Thorndyke: What in the name of – -…
Detective: On suspicion of grand theft.
0[Jim brings the malfunctioning Herbie back to Thorndyke. It accidentally bangs against Thorndykes Rolls Royce and stops. Jim gets out]
1Mr. Thorndyke: I salute your honesty, my dear, a quality not necessarily to be despised.
Jim Douglas: I dont know how you rigged it, but Im sure that car is a real cut-up when a convention comes to town.
Carole: Mr. Douglas, if there is anything wrong with the car, would you be good enough to tell me what it is?
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Sammy Davis Jr.: I think somebody should say it. Cause I know of no other individual who could put on this type of show in the way he did. It was marvelous, the way he just picked up a phone and then said Be there.
Carole: Excuse me, Mr. Thorndyke, but if I sold this gentleman a car, I feel a certain responsibility.
0Detective: [to Jim, about the not-yet-named Herbie white VW bug] Forgive me for pointing, but have you ever seen that car before?
Detective: Now, permit me to inform you of the following: first, say nothing that would jeopardize your constitutional rights. And second, the minute that you get downtown, I suggest you find yourself a good lawyer. Shall we go?
Jim Douglas: I ran out of pride when I ran out of cars.
0Tennessee Steinmetz: [holding a pot full of coffee while using a welding iron to fire it up, and wearing big gloves] The trick is always remember to have asbestos gloves when you make coffee this way.
Jim Douglas: If Id wanted a trick car, I would have bought one at a joke shop.
0Bice: You used to be a big-track driver, aint you got no pride?
Mr. Thorndyke: Id say its gone for that last big lube job up yonder.The Love Bug
Jim Douglas: [stammering] I brought it back. I want my money, I want the papers I signed, and then Ill get outta here, and you two clowns can have your little laugh.
Jim Douglas: Well, why dont you let the little car alone?
Jim Douglas: How do you know all that?
1Lee Evans: [about a man who speaks really loudly on a cillit bang advert] He must have really nervous kids at home, hed be reading them a bedtime story at night: Once upon a time… there was a dirty toilet!Lee Evans: Big Live at the O2
1Lawyer: Its the Mormons. Im outta here, youre on your own.
Jim Douglas: Well, why dont you let the little car alone?
Carole: I have trouble with names and faces, but I never forget a car.
Carole: [getting in] I wont be a minute.The Love Bug
Jim Douglas: Well, theres nothing essentially wrong with the car. Its just that it wants to go one way and Id like to go the other.
Mr. Thorndyke: How true it is that the simplest ways are the best ways after all.
Jim Douglas: I ran out of pride when I ran out of cars.The Love Bug
Jesus Christ: Now, who are the Mormons again?The Book of Life
Jim Douglas: What do you mean, THAT Jim Douglas?
Mr. Thorndyke: Well, whatever it is, none of it is covered in our guilt-headed guarantee.
0Jim Douglas: Without a real car, Im only half a man.
Jim Douglas: Oh, Im sure of that.The Love Bug
2[during the big race, Thorndyke and Havershaw have switched the signs leading to Placerville and the Lost Bonanza Mine]
Mr. Thorndyke: You come billowing up in that beastly little car, and assault my personal Rolls Royce.
Detective: I share your curiosity. Shall we go?
Jim Douglas: Ok, Im out of line. It just bugs me to see somebody abusing a decent piece of machinery.
Mr. Thorndyke: Oh, shut up.The Love Bug
0Carole: Help, Im a prisoner! I cant get out!
Jim Douglas: Look, lady, by profession, Im a racing driver.
You dont have to be a genius to sound like one. Heres a collection of the most profound and provocative wit and wisdom in the English language in two lines or less. Edited by entrepreneur John M. Shanahan, who created the wildly successful Hooked on Phonics program, this wonderful book presents the best that has been thought and said on every imaginable topic.
0Tennessee Steinmetz: [holding a pot full of coffee while using a welding iron to fire it up, and wearing big gloves] The trick is always remember to have asbestos gloves when you make coffee this way.The Love Bug
0Carole: Have you had much experience with cars?
Mr. Thorndyke: Allow me to say that I havent the slightest idea what youre talking about.
Jim Douglas: [he gestures for her to go ahead, and he and Carole head over to Herbie]
Sammy Davis Jr.: I immediately called Martin Luther King and he gave me the okay and I came.
Van Hippy: We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
0[Thorndyke kicks not-yet-named Herbie the little white car in his shop]
0Tennessee Steinmetz: Jim, its happening right under our noses and we cant see it. We take machines and we stuff em with information until theyre smarter than we are. Take a car. Most guys spread more love and time and money on their car in a week than they do on their wife and kids in a year. Pretty soon, you know what? The machine starts to think it *is* somebody.
Mr. Thorndyke: [as Carole joins him] Allow me to say that I havent the slightest idea what youre talking about. You come billowing up in that beastly little car, and assault my personal Rolls Royce.
Jim Douglas: [takes another look] Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I think I saw that car at an agency yesterday.
Mr. Thorndyke: [shocked] Miss Bennett! Our dinner engagement!
2Sammy Davis Jr.: It is true that Im an American Negro who – I have adopted Judaism as a faith. Everybody knows that and all the comics make jokes and I do it in self-defense. I would also like to let you know something that youre probably not aware of. My mother is a Puerto Rican. My mothers maiden name was Alvira Sanchez. This is true. And that means Im colored, Jewish, and Puerto Rican. When I move into a neighborhood, I wipe it out!
[Jim nods and motions her to go ahead; they go over to the VW Bug]
Jim Douglas: If Id wanted a trick car, I would have bought one at a joke shop.
Jim Douglas: Ok, Im out of line. It just bugs me to see somebody abusing a decent piece of machinery.The Love Bug
Mr. Thorndyke: What in the name of…
Mr. Thorndyke: Are you presuming to tell me what to do in my own establishment?
Jim Douglas: …I brought it back! I want my money, I want the papers I signed, and then Ill get outta here, and you two clowns can, can have your little laugh.
Mr. Thorndyke: [shocked] Miss Bennett! Our dinner engagement!
Live and Swingin: The Ultimate Rat Pack Collection – 2003
0Carole: Excuse me, Mr. Thorndyke, but if I sold this gentleman the car, I feel a certain responsibility.
Carole: Lets see, two years ago, at Laguna Seca, you spun out and hung a beautiful Buick Special on the back fence. At Willow Springs, a year ago last February, you sprayed a Lotus all over the infield.
Jim Douglas: I dont know how you rigged it, but Im sure that car is a real cut-up when a convention comes to town.
Mr. Thorndyke: Well, whatever it is, none of it is covered in our guilt-headed guarantee.
0[Jim brings the malfunctioning Herbie back to Thorndyke. It accidentally bangs against Thorndykes Rolls Royce and stops. Jim gets out]
The words you need by the people you admire.
0Bice: You used to be a big track driver, aint you got no pride?
The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less)
Tennessee Steinmetz: Hey, hes a cute little fellow.
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Mr. Thorndyke: Are you presuming to tell me what to do in my own establishment?
