Mal got control of his dropped jaw and took a step towards the merc, violence in his eyes, when he was stopped by Zoës hand slapping into his chest. You wanna explain this, Jayne, before someone gets hurt? she asked levelly.
You didnt kiss me! she shrieked, pointing at him with a shaking finger as though she was delivering a curse.
Ai ya hua qiao ku zi dai! muttered Jayne. Except for emptying the septic vat, there was nothing he hated more than dishes. He sighed in a put-upon fashion.
Mal looked like all his dreams had come true. Your what? he hooted. Everyone else chuckled.
Well, thats plain sinful, observed Zoë wryly, filling up her glass. Her mind slipped to the one and only piece of silk she owned, her last birthday present from Wash. Her hand shook, some sake sloshed onto the table and she muttered a curse. Wash had loved to pull that scrap of peach silk and lace from her body with aching slowness. She saw River looking at her, the girls eyes misty. Zoë looked away, the sympathy unbearable. Jayne had started his fourth tale and she tried to focus on that.
I was lip to wrinkly lip with ma Great, Great Aunty. Aint bin so scared before or since cos she opened her eyes and caught me at it.
What did she do? virtually sobbed Inara.
River mewed in protest when his lips left her. Jayne rested his forehead against hers, eyes closed, getting the hang of breathing again.
Everybody looked at him expectantly, grinning. He glowered at them.
That right? he stepped a bit closer.
He had just got enough brain function back to wonder if moving his hands to more intimate places would get him slapped when something occurred to him. He opened one eye, Cant say it aint five now, he huffed, smugly.
Naw, but I knew a girl that did sumthin like it, shed get boys ta do her homework for her. Kaylee blushed even more, I just played a little Doctor n Nurses n you know, ya show me yourn n Ill show ya mine.
Did my best not to look, sometimes I couldnt help seeing, I thought it was Jayne being Jayne all lusty. Didnt understand that was why I never saw anyone else in there anymore. River smiled and Simon could have sworn she started to glow. He didnt move, even though he wanted to shout no! at the top of his lungs.
It was bout six weeks ago when I got tipped off the mule and banged up real good. Doc knocked me out ta stop me movin about n crazy here comes into the infirmary n attaches herself ta ma lips. Id woken up before n only just dozed off agin. She said sorry, it was a mistake n we should just forget it n I said ok.
Everyone else, frozen like effigies from the moment River stood up, abruptly came to life again. Kaylee bent down and hugged River to her, shooting a dirty look over her shoulder at Jayne; Inara joined her, stroking Rivers hair. Simon leapt up as if he wanted to throw himself at the mercenary, but some how held himself, back his hands clenching and un-clenching.
Isnt true, I kissed you! You just lay there like a taxidermists showpiece! Not valid! Four not five! River made to slump back in her chair, not recalling that it had tipped over, and landed plump on the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and looking up at Jayne with dilating eyes. Yuan ren, hun dan, bai lei!
If Jayne was interested in you, wouldnt you have known, sweetie? asked Inara gently.
River punched him in the arm, not with the full force she was capable of, but with enough to make him drop the duffle bag, slap his hand to his arm and glare at her resentfully.
Couldnt rightly be called a lady, Jayne said sulkily, It was Holly Stokes, she was ten n I was eight. Dependin on how much candy yad got the girl would let yer kiss her or look at her bloomers. Since I dint have much candy I got to kiss her, werent much more n bumpin lips though.
Ok, said Zoë. She felt Mals body relax a little and out of the corner of her eye she saw Simons hands loosen. So she kissed you an nuthin else then or since? Jayne nodded. I think we got that, so whyd you bring it up? You could have left it out an wed all be none the wiser.
When did yall get a chance ta convince some woman ta kiss ya? asked Mal, frowning.
Simon glanced at Mal, What was the forfeit for a person who refuses to do the dare or speak the truth, Captain?
Jayne scowled at him, You gonna let me tell ya or not? Woman was eighty n shed fallen asleep in a chair after Sunday Dinner. My cousin Billy bet me his catapult, it was a real good un, too, that I wouldnt kiss her.
River dipped her head in ascent, her hair flopping over her face. She turned her unnerving gaze to Jayne, a little twitch at the corner of her mouth.
Rivers head came up sharply from Kaylees shoulder as she watched Jayne stomp through the door with an open mouth and wide wondering eyes.
Simon just shook his head, dumb, two opposing parts of his brotherly love fighting and screaming at each other in his head. The part that had promised to let River make her own choices was winning and in this instance, he didnt like it.
Went back to ma ship, n when ma head stopped achin I got some cashy money n found a cheap whore n got my itch scratched. Werent nuthin else ta do, there were big fellas at the cat house n the crew I was with back then werent gonna back me up.
He must relate the next history; there are two more tales to tell.
Im telling ya, aint I, an there werent no convincin needed neither. The fifth woman I kissed, well I say woman but shes just a gir
Just wondered is all, seems kinda glamorous somehow, pittin her wits against folk, not the druggin or nuthin Kaylees voice trailed off.
Aint you ever played Doctor or sumthin growin up? she asked them.
Jaynes eyes drifted vaguely over to Inara, She wore the prettiest clothes, silk right down ta the skin but she liked it when I tore em off her. Little flimsy bits of nuthin worth a weeks wage ta a man like me all torn up all over the floor.
Inara was still frowning, Thats two more tales, Jayne. I always assumed that you gave up kissing on the mouth because of the goodnight kiss. I cant believe you kissed one of your, shall we say, ladies of the night since then.
Jayne pulled a face at her, Hell, I dont know, dint ask, only thing I remembers cept the tities was she werent no real blonde.
Rating:R Bit of bad language and sex related stuff.
I was relieved that you were alive, I thought you were asleep!
Rated:Fiction M- English – Romance/Humor – River, Jayne – Words: 3,304 – Reviews:5- Favs: 25 – Published:
Come on, Jayne, lets hear about those women you kissed on the mouth, teased Zoë.
Did he mean he wants ta kiss her again? asked Kaylee, looking round the room, a tentative smile blooming on her face. Thats kind of shiny, aint it, I never knowed him ta wanna have a girl, ya know, regular like.
Kiss me with that mouth, girl? he sneered.
What was her name? asked Kaylee, curious.
It werent no lady of the night, and it werent that long ago neither, said Jayne smugly.
Aw, thats sweet, Jayne, sing-songed Kaylee, smiling.
River opened her mouth to say two again but Mal frowned her down. Let him tell the tales, Im findin this downright amusin. River retreated behind her curtains of hair.
You aint got nuthin ta say Doc? asked Mal.
Jayne growled, poured himself some sake and tossed it off in one mouthful. I snuck up besides her while she was snorin with her teeth in a glass next ta her, n Im just fixing to kiss her on the cheek real fast n light so as she dint wake up when damn me if she dont turn her head. Jayne pulled a disgusted face at the memory.
Authors notes:There was a challenge going around live journal where you would challenge someone to write a fic based around the five times a character did something. I actually gave five women Jayne Cobb kissed on the mouth to Ceslas and then basely asked for it back. Ceslas being a truly wonderful person didnt mind. Sadly it relies on truth or dare to get Jayne talking, but hey, I figured that you might play all sorts of stupid games if you were stuck in the black for long, (In other words I couldnt think of anything better, Hey ho.)
Stop being an ass, Jayne Cobb, or I will hit you again until you see sense.
Warnings:Jayne Cobb is talking about some of his conquests, so it gets crude, because its Jayne.
Kaylee giggled, her hand squeezing Simons knee. The Doctor covered her hand with his own and squeezed back.
I dint promise nuthin, he snapped back, arms crossed again.
He was interrupted by River standing up so quickly her chair fell over.
Big Thanks:To Wildchild for the beta, particilarily since I sent it, re-wrote it and sent it again thus mucking her about. She has the patience of a saint.
It was my Great, Great Aunt Rachel, ok!
Im gettin off when we hit dirt tomorrow, I aint sorry I said it, just aint gonna stay here no more.
unleash your imagination
Yuan ren, hun dan, bai lei – Ape man, Bastard, Scum.
River found Jayne in his bunk, stuffing his possessions violently into a duffle bag.
Who were the five women Jayne Cobb kissed on the mouth? Rayne. Comments gratefully accepted.
Mal looked at her; there was something in her face, something hopeful. A horrible notion worked its way into his brain. Little tross, no, you cant want my big old dumb merc.
Not sure we know that yet, Kaylee, said Zoë.
River regarded him narrowly, Be satisfied with that number, Jayne Cobb, she kissed him fast and hard, it will not go up.
Her husband. Woman musta bin cracked cos I werent barely seven n the old fartd bin dead more n thirty years. Jayne watched his crewmates virtually roll around with laughter. Hah de hah hah, he snarked.
She took the last roll from the basket on the table and threw it at him, hitting him neatly in the middle of his forehead.
This is a dumb game, I wanna play sumthin else, whined Jayne Cobb. He glared balefully at Simon Tam. The Doctor had his arms crossed, leaning back in his chair across the galley table. His smug, superior expression made Jaynes fist itch.
Well I werent, n I only said I wouldnt tell cos you said it was a mistake an we should forget it. Jayne stood up and leant on the table until his nose was practically touching Rivers pointed finger, That dont matter none, you was the fifth girl I kissed on the lips! he straightened up and re-crossed his arms, his face mean, your brother asked the question an Mal dun made it plain Id gotta answer it honest.
Jayne felt surrounded and he wasnt a man who reacted well to the feeling. There was Kaylee and Zoë grinning at him, Inara looking at him thoughtfully, River examining him like a bug under a microscope and Mal and Simon full of glee, as if they were convinced he was going to look foolish and more than loved the idea.
Summary:Who has Jayne Cobb kissed on the mouth?
Yeah, right, just sayin that cos the big dumb merc made an ass out of himself. Aint a one of ya takes me seriously. Did they laugh?
Mal paused with a cup of sake halfway to his mouth, Why dya wanna know that, little Kaylee? he asked, bemused.
Hell, they looked good in her dress but when I got her naked, they was all big n bouncy, with the prettiest pink buds you ever did see pointin right at ya. Jayne sketched the shape of them in the air with his hands, ending with his palms cupped full of imaginary flesh. He noticed suddenly that everyone was looking at him funny. He frowned at them, What? They just continued looking at him so he shrugged and continued with his tale. Course she had the goodnight kiss on her lips so I dint get to play with them none. He scowled. Woke up in alley half way across the town with a sore head n empty pockets. Lucky Id stashed part of ma wages back on the ship.
The widening grins of his audience exploded into laughter.
I dont want you to go, it wasnt a mistake. I thought, she took a breath; I knew you werent asleep, I thought when you didnt respond you didnt want me, not in that way.
That would be dishes for one month, Doc. Mal gave Jayne an evil grin, Come on, Jayne, were all just plain dyin ta know. Mal nodded to River Tam, I want you ta tell us if Jayne dont speak the truth, little witch, dong ma?
Jayne looked at River like she was the most confusing thing in the verse, Cos I aint forgotten it an he stopped for a moment, Gorramn it! Girl, I dont wanna! he hollered right at River. Aw crap! Jayne made a violent movement as if he was pushing something away and stormed out of the galley.
Mal waved an encouraging hand at the petulant mercenary. Come on now, Jayne, yall agreed ta play truth or dare. Yall had me dancing round the galley with a mop and Simon is looking real cute in Kaylees overall. The Doctor looked ruefully down at the appliqu bunny rabbit on the garment straining across his chest.
Ya will, huh? Jayne took a step towards her.
River got up; she rested her palm on her brothers cheek and smiled at him.
Mal pointed a finger at Simon, acting all alarmed, What have you done with our stiff n proper Doctor and who in the merry hells are you? Inara swatted him on the arm and River giggled. She studied Jayne from the corner of her eye, he was examining Kaylee thoughtfully, the texture of his thoughts faintly lecherous, his mind on Kaylees childhood experiments.
Simon grinned, Perhaps we could play that later?
The first woman I kissed on the mouth was, he paused, opening and shutting his mouth a couple of times, aw hell I dont wanna tell ya. Mal waved a bit of paper at him with dishes, one month written on it. He pouted.
Jayne smirked at her, I shipped of planet when I was seventeen, dint get much chance ta get anywhere with girls with ma breathin down my neck so I got me ma first whore as soon as I had enough pay. Took me a while to earn any decent coin so I stuck with cheap ones an I dint wanna kiss em anyways.
Jayne glared at her a moment, his jaw working. Swiftly he pushed her against the bulkhead, getting her under the arms so he could drag her up to a comfortable height and kissed her hard on the mouth. Rivers arms slipped round his neck and her legs came naturally round his waist. The kiss became something soft, hard, silken, and rough all at once. Jayne didnt stop until he was out of breath and his knees were jelly.
She smiled at me, pulled her head away and said, Aint we a bit old for that, Bertie? n fell asleep agin.
Jayne looked at her steadily for a moment, she could feel him trying to decide something, Aint two tales, theres three.
Simon, Kaylee, Zoë and the Captain snorted with laughter. Inara frowned at him and River just looked at him out of her saucer sized eyes, head cocked on one side. He grinned right at her and her eyes widened further and further until he thought they would fall right out of her pretty head.
The fourth one I kissed on the mouth, well that was some bitch of a whore. Woman had the finest pair of titties I ever did see, Jayne remembered how excited hed been, getting her all naked, twenty one years old and his first big wage burning a hole in his pocket. The other whores hed had cost a quarter of what he paid for this one and had barely raised their skirts for him. Christine had given him a taste for something better.
Jayne, you gotta tell us more than that, said Zoë. When Jayne didnt speak, she narrowed her eyes at him. I could make your life real miserable, Jayne Cobb, an you know I will.
Zoë could have sworn she damn near floated out of the door and none of them made a move to stop her.
Ok, Jayne, said Mal wiping his eyes, Who was the next lucky lady ta get herself a little Cobb lip action?
Then there was Christine, he paused frowning, Christine sumthin, Jayne waved a hand vaguely in the air, aint good with names. She was some red hot core bred fancy woman lookin for a young bit of rough, n hell, I was willin ta oblige. Got ta stay in a fancy hotel room for a couple a days with some snot nose bringing food n drink ta the room. Jayne smiled at the memory, hed enjoyed ordering the room service fella around, hearing him say Yes sir, no sir, right away sir, and knowing the man hated every second of it.
D-did you kiss boys for candy? stammered Simon.
Ai ya hua qiao ku zi dai Damn, smart arse Doctor
Hey, he snapped, giving her a dirty look.
Yes! she snapped back, hands on hips.
Rivers mouth dropped open, H-he is erroneous, she stammered, There are two.
She was a fair bit older n me, learnt a whole bunch of stuff in that hotel room that makes me real popular in some places, he waggled an eyebrow suggestively, ifen you catch my drift. Did me a whole bunch of kissin n all, werent bad neither fur getting things started.
Kaylee elbowed him in the ribs and planted a big kiss on him.