LOL! I knew that was coming – I tell that same joke sometimes.
Rodney returned to comedy, his first love, in 1962 and adopted the name, Rodney Dangerfield. Where did that unusual name come from? Jacob alias Jack alias Rodney remembered it from a comedy routine on Jack Bennys radio program in the 40s. He began to cultivate the image of a lovable but laughable everyman who gets no respect and became a nightclub hit in the 60s.
My wife got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off!
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Another great hub. Rodney was just about the best out there. I loved him on the Tonight Show with Carson. He would do his monologue, then sit next to Johnny and thats when things would really start getting funny. A real talent he is missed. Thanks for the reminder.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the library the sign saysShut the f*** up.
jsantos80008 years agofrom Davao City Philippines
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My wife was afraid of the dark … then she saw me naked and now shes afraid of the light.
drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
I havent spoken to my wife in years. I didnt want to interrupt her.
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot. But I always found them.
My uncles dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
I really like this hub, nice job! It really appeals to me! My fav comedian of all time is George CArlin LOL
I grew up in a tough neighborhood. The other night a guy pulled a knife on me. I could see it wasnt a real professional job. There was butter on it.
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his jokes never get old!!! im still laughing right now… great article by the way… very well researched…
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadnt eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Im taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I dont know if Im coming or going.
What a lovely tribute this hub is. Thanks for sharing
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
I tell ya, my wifes a lousy cook. After dinner, I dont brush my teeth. I count them.
Heres the sad thing, in my little Texas community. . .Im practically related to everyone. I gotta move out of here.
Heres hoping that 2011 is stress-free for you and you have a very Happy, Healthy New Year! 🙂
I cryed laughing; he was more than funny, but for you to write this hub and put together all those jokes (loved the Viagra one and the praying after eating dinner the best)- you are just as great.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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drbj and sherry6 years agofrom south Florida
In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity so he threw the teacher out of the window.
I came from a rough neighborhood, I tell ya. I remember as a kid my english teacher asked me what comes after a sentence. I told her an appeal. (one of my faves from Rodney)
Jame! I agree with you I very much enjoyed this hilarious Hub. I was long a fan of Dangerfield and Caddyshack is still one of my favorite films. Thank you very mcuh for this pleasure.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasnt met me yet.
What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
You are most welcome, Ivorwen. Thanks for the visit. Happy I could provide a laugh – something it appears we all need a lot more of these days.
You are so right, DWS. Rodney was a remarkable comedian and we often dont appreciate what we have until we lose it. He may not have had all the respect he deserved in Hollywood but audiences in nightclubs in Las Vegas and other big cities would laugh non-stop when he was on stage with his hilarious one-liners. I miss him, too.
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Delighted you enjoyed his jokes – the pleasure is all mine.
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel.
Thank you, Dr JMR, Im delighted these one-liners made you laugh. Rodney was one funny fellow. And you are right on the mark – laughing relieves stress and it IS healthy for you. No thanks necessary. It is my pleasure to share.
I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a childrens zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.
Delighted that you had some great laughs, too.
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times – three while I was reading it.
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katiem27 years agofrom Im outta here
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Thanks for your loyalty, Ed. Its always a treat for me to have you drop by any of my hubs. This new sub-domain arrangement of Hubpages makes it more difficult for many hubbers to find the writers they like to follow.
Rachael C.6 years agofrom That little rambunctious spot in the back of your mind 🙂
When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My old man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
Yeah, I know Im ugly. I said to a bartender, Make me a zombie. He said, God beat me to it.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
Another classic: My wife and I wanted to quit smoking.
I went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted, Surprise me, I said, so he showed me a naked picture of my wife.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Welcome, carolina muscle, and thanks for the accolade. Rodney was one of my favorites, too.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
love this comedian/timing is everything with him
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attemptedhumour7 years agofrom Australia
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Thank you, datahound. for stopping by. I knew you would appreciate this hub because we share an admiration for Rodney. One of the reasons he was so funny with Johnny Carson is they were both very witty and creative and didnt need written material or teleprompters to be funny!
Boy, is my wife stupid. It takes her an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
Hi, toys… Its nice to meet you. Rodney was hilarious and he had the talent to recite those one-liners one after the other from memory. Not an easy eask. Delighted you enjoyed this and the pleasure is entirely mine.
drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
In my life Ive been through plenty. When I was three years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.
He died on October 5, 2004 after falling into a coma following heart surgery. In keeping with his I dont get no respect persona, his headstone reads, Rodney Dangerfield There goes the neighborhood..
My wifes jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in travelers checks.
Ivorwen8 years agofrom Hither and Yonder
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You are right on the mark, Alex – clever like your dad. Rodney was a great talent both as an actor and a rapid-fire, one-liner comedian. Thank you for the thanks – it was entirely my pleasure.
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With my wife I dont get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to the best woman a man ever had. The waiter joined me.
Being English and now living in Australia i dont really know Rodney Dangerfield Anyone with a sense of humour would love those one liners though and i enjoyed finding out about him Cheers mate
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Hey, cm, you are a true fan. I miss him and his rapid-fire jokes, too. He was a very special comic. Thanks for the rerun.
Its tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she wont drink from my glass.
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
carolina muscle8 years agofrom Charlotte, North Carolina
drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
Delighted you appreciated Rodney, too. He was one of the funniest. And if you ever had seen him in person, you would marvel at the way he fired off those one-liners, one after the other. Each one funnier than the last. Thanks for the visit.
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them. They said it wasnt enough.
Excellent hub on Rodney. Made me laugh. Laughing is heathy for you. Thank you for sharring with us.
Hey, its my goal to marry a woman thirty years younger than me, so Id have to move to somewhere like Kentucky, and wait another nine years. . . .for the soonest possible arrangement.
drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
Thanks, sgfr. May I call you schoolgirl for short? Delighted you enjoyed this hub – I enjoyed doing the research and the writing as well. May one day do a tribute to Carlin, too. His wit is unmatched.
Rachael C.6 years agofrom That little rambunctious spot in the back of your mind 🙂
He appeared in numerous television guest spots onThe Tonight Showwith Johnny Carson where he appeared more than seventy times,The Dean Martin Show, andToast of the Townhosted by Ed Sullivan. Very few entertainers ever provoked an observable reaction when they performed for the legendary but stone-faced Ed Sullivan, but Rodney made Ed actually laugh. Rodney credited Carson by saying, Johnny made me a name!
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
One caveat though, you may have to learn to play a screechy Love in Bloom on the violin.
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drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
James A Watkins8 years agofrom Chicago
Thank you, Ed, for enjoying Rodney and Henny as much as I do. Many comics today would be lost without their cue cards and teleprompters . . . and a few prominent politicians as well. The King and Prince of Oneliners had an amazing funny repertoire as well as memory.
Thanks to projects like this one, Rodney Dangerfield will never be forgotten. And thanks to tireless truth sleuths such as your dedicated self, Jacob Cohen has a chance at eternal life as well.
Its tough to stay married. My wife says no because shes tired, then stays up and reads a book.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.
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Poor guy may not have gotten much respect, but you diserve a lot of respect. Thank you!!!!
What a treat, Ghost, to be able to supply some of Rodneys one-liners that may be new to you. He was one of the greatest at ad-libbing these gems in front of a live audience. I saw him once in Vegas.
Rodney was born as Jacob Cohen in Deer Park, New York in 1921. He changed his name twice. First, he adopted the stage name of Jack Roy and later he became Rodney Dangerfield. His father was a vaudeville comedian who used the stage name of Phil Roy. Rodney said his father was never home he was out looking to make other kids. Rodney didnt have kind words for his mother either. She brought him up all wrong and in an interview withNewsdaysaid she was cruel, mean and sinister.
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
I always thought Rodney was terrific, and sos this hub!!
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
lmmartin7 years agofrom Alberta and Florida
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Thanks for stopping by, Wesman, and the great tribute comment. The film, Back to School with Rodney was in the same league as Caddyshack. Hilarious.
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Which is too bad. Id been planning to change my name to Jacob Cohen and claim all Rodneys jokes as my own.
To cope with that unhappy environment, Rodney began writing jokes when he was only fifteen and started performing as a comedian when he was still in his teens. As Jack Roy, he took his act on the road and worked in B-level clubs. To augment his income I had to struggle to picture this he worked as a singing waiter. After ten years of moderate success, he gave up comedy and began selling and installing aluminum siding in New Jersey. He married Joyce Indig in 1949 and had two children. They were divorced in 1961.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Thank you, katie, for stopping by. Happy to know you are also a Rodney fan. His one-liners are priceless and never fail to make me laugh when I re-read them.
Hi, attemptedhumour, nice to meet you. Delighted you found me and my Rodney hub. Since you appear to have a fine sense of humor, take a look at my Tribute to Henny Youngman – he was also a master of the one-liner, and you will appreciate his quips, too. Cheers backatcha, mate.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Nice to meet you, too! I agree, Rodney was amazing, and I will check that out A.S.A.P Thanks!
I tell ya, my family was always big drinkers. When I was a kid, I was missing. They put my picture on a bottle of Scotch.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodneys performance in Natural Born killers was incredible. Great talent. Thanks for a great hub 🙂
Come to Florida, Wesman. Everyone here is from somewhere else. Theres much less chance of playing that old family game . . . . . . incest!
drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
in the 70s, he found an even wider audience onSaturday Night Live. He began a film career by appearing in a supporting role in the movie,The Projectionist(1971). In 1980, Dangerfield became a cornerstone of American comedy with the classic film,Caddyshack. He played the part of a very wealthy golfer who was basically nice despite being obnoxious. The movie was panned by the critics but became a cult phenomenon that is often aired on TV today. That year Rodney produced a popular comedy album, Rappin Rodney. The album earned him a Grammy for best comedy album.
drbj and sherry6 years agofrom south Florida
This was hilarious!! Havent heard of Rod in forever, but this was a great reminder… I definitely enjoyed this… Thanks!
Ronald / Jack / Jacob You were our sunny spirit and you do have my respect.
Good luck on your marriage plans – Kentucky or West Virginia would probably be fertile stamping grounds. You gave me an opening, you know, for one of my favorite hill-William jokes.
I was an ugly kid when I was born. After the doctor cut the cord he hung himself.
One time I went into a hotel, I asked the bellhop to handle my bag – he felt up my wife.
You are spot on with the Mayo Clinic remark. A show with those two together would put the audience in stitches . . . literally!
Rodney was always complaining about not getting any respect but truth was, millions of people who saw his films and nightclub act loved his brand of humor.
Can you hear me, DJRW? Im laughing out loud. I remember that oneliner and it still has appeal. Thanks for finding Rodney and reminding me of that joke.
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, well never see each other!
Wesman Todd Shaw7 years agofrom Kaufman, Texas
drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
first pack. Shes up to 3 packs a day
I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.
Im at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, Ive just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
We decided to only smoke after sex. Im still on my
He followed in the footsteps of one of the other greats when it came to ad hoc one-liners – see Tribute to Henny Youngman, and tell me if you agree.
jayjay408 years agofrom Bristol England
I met Rodney Dangerfield in person back in 1978 on the set of NBCs Saturday Night Live.
Backatcha, Petra. Thank you!!! Those were lovely comments and I shall treasure them.
He told me that he was looking forward to being honored by this tribute hub of yours…..
Hi, Micky. With three funny one-liners in quick succession like that, youre a natural. You ought to go on the stage. Do I hear Vegas calling?
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drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
carolina muscle8 years agofrom Charlotte, North Carolina
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Thanks for the visit, Marco. When it comes to funny one-liners, I think Rodney and Henny (Youngman) are among the funniest comedians who ever lived.
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY WAS THE BEST EVER. WE DONT NO WHAT WE HAVE TO WE LOSE IT. IT REALLY TO BAD THAT HOLLY WOOD NEVER GAVE HIM THE RESPECT THAT HE DESERVED. NO ONE MADE ME LAUGH LIKE RODNEY. HE WILL BE FOREVER MISSED.
I very much enjoyed this hilarious Hub. I was long a fan of Dangerfield and Caddyshack is still one of my favorite films. Thank you very mcuh for this pleasure.
Thank you, luabu, for discovering this tribute to Rodney – he was one of my favorites, too. His timing was superb and his supply of one-liners unlimited.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
WOW==ANOTHER WINNER (drbj) TURMOIL IS BETTER THAN NO OIL IF [RODNEY AND YOUNGMAN] had done a double for the safty of the audience, it would have been stipulated that it be held at the mayo clinic with pierodic staff rotations.STAY HAPPY) Thanks again.ED.
Thank you epi-man, for the hubtastic. Thats now my new favorite word.
I guarantee you WILL get respect! Thanks for the visit.
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
drbj and sherry6 years agofrom south Florida
Wesman Todd Shaw7 years agofrom Kaufman, Texas
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
If it wasnt for pick-pockets Id have no sex life at all.
Heh! Wouldve sworn Id heard every RD one-liner he ever uttered, but no! Not the gettin fed with a slingshot one OR the childrens zoo.
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
love the civil war joke /great laugh thanks
You might also like to take a look at his mentor:
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Thank you, afan, thats typical Dangerfield and very funny. Heres another one for you:
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Rodney was a dynamic, frenetic performer in front of an audience but in 1997, he admitted to a lifelong struggle with depression that often provoked suicidal thoughts. He wrote a book, Its Not Easy Being Me, to help others with depression which reached the best-seller list of theNew York Times.
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drbj and sherry6 years agofrom south Florida
I think that Caddyshack . . . is just so classic, Id imagine that it was my first exposure to Rodney Dangerfield – has there been another comedy film on the level of Caddyshack since?
My cousin is gay; he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – were doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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I saw him once in a nightclub and the audience wouldnt let him off the stage – we all had stomach aches from laughing so much and so hard.
Thank you, Charles, for the visit and the kind comment.
In 1993, he married Joan Child, a woman thirty years younger. In 1995, he became the first entertainer to have a website. In the 90s he also made appearances on a number of TV shows includingThe Simpsons,In Living Color,Home ImprovementandSuddenly Susan. He discovered many new comedians including Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey, Roseanne Barr, Robert Townsend, Tim Allen and Sam Kinison.
I thought Id drop in and reread this post. I miss ole Rodney.
I get no respect drbj! I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. If I was a politician I would be honest. My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Hi, niteriter. As a tireless truth sleuth and thanks for the alliterative kudo, I have a suggestion for you. Since the name, Jacob Cohen, may not work for you, why not change your name to Benjamin Kubelsky? Then you can put a claim on all Jack Bennys funny material.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
Some dog I got. We call him Egypt. Because in every room, he leaves a pyramid.
Petra Vlah8 years agofrom Los Angeles
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
marcofratelli8 years agofrom Australia
drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
Im a lifetime fan of standup comedy, and Rodneys stuff was part of the pack of CDs I used to carry in the cab with me as a long haul truck driver working impossible hours (as all such drivers do). Kept me awake and therefore alive for many a mile.
How about: My family was so poor my little brother wore my grandads old pants — had to unzip his fly to blow his nose. Another Dangerfield classic. Thanks for the laugh.
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jayjay40 – thanks for the visit and the comment – its my pleasure to share with you.
drbj and sherry5 years agofrom south Florida
your writing and research -as always – is hubtastic!!
We have a lot in common, James. Youre a fan of Rodney and Im a fan of yours. And the pleasure is all mine.
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
I still follow your GREAT STUFF I Have been moved to a sub hub of some kind. Im going to try an get off. I do not play often anyways. Stay happy ED,
She was so fat that when guys have sex with her they ask for directions.
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me … and no one showed up.
She was so ugly that she was known as a two bagger, one for you in case her bag breaks.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
You may remember Rodney Dangerfield the nervous, twitching comedian with bulging eyeballs, a trademark red tie he was constantly adjusting, and the punchline I dont get no respect! I call him prince of the one-liners because Henny Youngman was the king of one-liners; he came first.
Tribute to Henny Youngman.
Rodney became the leading man in two more films,Easy Money(1983), andBack to School(1986) which was one of the first comedies to gross over $100 million. His first dramatic role was that of the abusive father in Oliver Stones successful film,Natural Born Killers(1994). He made several more films twenty in all but most of them went directly to video.
What a delight, thanks for bringing Rodney Dangerfield the prince of one liners to us. I enjoyed him and all the great laughs. 🙂
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
Seems this bridegroom comes home to his daddy crying that his bride is a virgin and he wants to annul the marriage. His father consoles him saying, Youre absolutely right, son. If she wasnt good enough for her folks then she isnt good enough for you.
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drbj and sherry7 years agofrom south Florida
drbj and sherry8 years agofrom south Florida
Thank you, jsantos, for your visit and the kind words. I always look forward to your perceptive comments.
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.